The Art of Getting Beautifully Behind
I don’t mean to alarm all of you, but things are getting a little crazy over here. I’m writing to you from underneath an enormous pile of forgotten and procrastinated homework. It’s a hypothetical pile, but the work is very much real. I’m not really sure if it’s an accomplishment or a massive act of irresponsibility, but I haven’t done any school work in over a week and a half.
Shocking, I know. This is very much unlike me. Mommy, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry you had to find out this way. It just kind of snuck up on me. One day, I’m doing all my work like the studious little bee that I am, and the next, I’m on a ten-day homework hiatus.
How did I manage to pull off such an ambitious feat, you may ask? How, if you were interested, could you follow in my footsteps? Sit back and learn from the errors of my ways, little chickadees, because it’s quite the process.
1. Netflix marathon.
Ah, yes, the old Netflix marathon. It gets us every single time. You settle down to take a mental break and watch one episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and then three hours later, you’re still there, thinking “I don’t even like this show”. And yet, you continue to click the “Watch Next Episode” button. Why do work when you can fill your brain with endless television? After all, they did just make four seasons of Dexter available again (and everyone knows the first four are the best ones).
2. Find extreme interest in things that are not homework.
I’ve found a new exciting hobby; looking things up on Amazon and setting the filter to “Price: Highest to Lowest”. So much more exciting that homework, right? You wouldn’t believe the ridiculous, expensive things that Amazon is trying to sell to you. Is your homework trying to sell you a hilariously overpriced item? Absolutely not.
Additionally, I’ve also taken up extreme interest in walking aimlessly in laps around my suite. Basically, anything that isn’t homework is extremely fascinating. Laying on the floor, finding food to put sriracha on, watching reality television. Literally anything.
A very simple procedure. Attempt to do work. Set up a work space, get your books, pens, pencils, and laptops at the ready. Look at the work. Decide it is too hard. Go find some food to put sriracha on.
4. Open a tumblr account.
Or rekindle your interest in Myspace. Make a facebook page for your dog. Do anything that is on the internet that takes your attention away from your work. Have you read the Wikipedia page on sharks? When’s the last time you fed your Neopet? Have you read all the spam in your spam folder?
5. Get overinvolved
I’m currently writing this during an eight hour rehearsal. Yesterday, I attended a rehearsal, a concert, and a play. I’ve been constantly in and out of meetings, practices, rehearsals, and other various obligations. Don’t get me wrong, though, I love everything that I do, but all these obligations make it pretty darn hard to clock in some serious library hours.
It’s a pretty simple process, and it doesn’t take you nearly as long as you would imagine it would. If you follow these five simple steps, you too can find yourself drowning in an ocean of homework in no time!